All forms of contact must be written on a fresh piece of paper, then sprinkled with glitter, before dancing around a fire singing the alphabets to a heavy metal song of your choosing. Thereafter, it must be blessed by a warlock with a LinkedIn account with no less than 400 connections. Upon delivery, you should be on a unicorn or the Loch Ness monster (Note : this clause is only there ’cause we all know how much of a diva the unicorn can be at times – still loving him though) singing Adele’s “Hello” (don’t mess the lyrics!) and have a band of midgets right behind. The written communication must be handed in a glass bottle (yes! Like the pirates).

.. and that will irrevocably be considered contact.

If for any reason you are unable to do the above (know that the warlock and midgets will be very disappointed in you) you can mail me on, Facebook or Twitter … or an owl.

No crow sent submissions will be accepted.